Originally posted: June 30th 08

As I get older, I’m starting to learn things that trigger certain reactions from me. If I hear the metro bells toll, that automatically triggers me to start running to see what train it is, if the alarm clock goes off that triggers me to get up and turn it off so I can go back to sleep. But today I found some more triggers.

Elements of this weekend we quite annoying. From working overtime both Saturday and Sunday, to carrying tables alone and being exhausted while others got to party and have fun.

So today to combat that negative energy, I put a nice little jazzy mix on my ipod consisting of some Thelonious Monk, Duke Ellington, John Coltrane, and some Jamiroquai and Roy Ayers to mix things up. There’s a song by Jamiroquai called “manifest destiny” that folks should listen to. Give it a listen in a somber chill moment.

Well, I made it through work. Even with my boss expressing that she didn’t want to pay overtime (whatever) and I’m on the bus headed to “For the People” (a monthly event hosted by Christyles on Monday for those who don’t know) and there is a large group of young kids on the bus with one adult with them. Now the kids are acting up, and I have my music in my ears, and I hear the lady slap one of the kids. But this wasn’t a disciplinary slap. I could feel it. It was rage, and I felt kinda helpless at this moment. No more than five minutes later, a lady with her small child in her lap gets into a shouting match with the bus driver over the location of her stroller. While all this profanity is being thrown around, I can’t help but feel scared for her small son who is going through all of this. Granted this is only what I’m seeing in public so who knows what else could be happening.

So I get off of that bus and head to the 70 (i know…. what was i thinking) and I see another mother and son, this son about 7 years old. He wants to stand in the area that folds like an accordion (which I almost always sit in because I think its cool) and his mom wants him to come up there to him. She tells him to come up in a nice mother voice, and he says no…he remains defiant for some time before he goes up to her and clings to her and kisses her on the cheek and has this moment where you can really see the love.

And that triggered something. I really had to fight back the tears on the bus…. it was all the mother-son action from the w2 and this exchange of defiance into love that really caught me. I found myself thinking “please know that she cares… she wont always be there, she wants you close” maybe its a sub-conscience fear of losing my mom and knowing how much all that shes done for me still effects me. Maybe its really wishing there was something I could do when someone is abusing a child. Maybe its that (God forbid) biological clock in me calling for a child that I can raise the best that I can so that it wont just be mother-son relationships I see in the streets. I don’t know….. but it was def crazy.

Ok. I hope all is well.
Peace and Safety,
Dwayne B!