It’s a Friday night and buffalo wings are in front of me. Or I’m in front of them. We are facing each other and one of us is delicious.
The other is a little buzzed from the equally delicious Apple Cider Martini that is no longer present. I guess it technically is still present – living on within me. Present through my light buzz; a gift for a long week.
I’m finding church right now in the swinging jazz of my friend Aaron Myers, who is on stage. As I type, he is doing a gospel medley, singing songs as performed in white church vs black church. While he is crooning and the audience is swooning, I’m remembering what this all feels like, to be at a table alone and enjoying it. Not feeling pressured to chat or come up with small talk. To enjoy singing along and typing to myself.
I’ve taken myself out on a date because I’m worth it.
Not that I’m not worth saving the money this meal would cost – I’m worth that too. And not that i’m not worth the sleep that i’m missing – I am certainly worth some rest. But I’m worth taking time to be seen, to see others i don’t know, and to practice my craft in the open while enjoying a good meal. what i’m saying is I’m worth a good time… and that is being had.
I’ve been “single” for a long time but not by myself. I spent a lot of time alone now, but I’m always a text, email, phone call away. Right now in this moment, the only thing that matters is the music and this feeling that I haven’t felt since early church days. Before I felt the corruption of the institution. I’ve always believed in a higher power (I call it God, but others call it many different names) but the trouble I’ve gotten into for questioning humanities meddling has kept me away from “faith-based organizations”.
My faith is found in music. The spirit finds me between sheets and bent notes. It washes over me when I am alone in a crowd, spinning with libations and thoughts.
The spirit finds me in joy – like right now – enjoying myself and of the the trappings of this moment.
And I guess that all I can ask for.
Where does faith (whatever that may mean to you) find you? Let me know in the comments. Let’s talk.
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